26 October 2008

sunday scribblings #134 -- "I don't like myself. I'm CRAZY ABOUT MYSELF!" -- Mae West



in all the world there is no one else exactly like me – everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because i alone chose it
i own everything about me – my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself
i own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears – i own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes
because i own all of me, i can become intimately acquainted with me – by doing so i can love me and be friendly with all my parts
i know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that i do not know
but as long as i am friendly and loving to myself, i can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me
however i look and sound, whatever i say and do, and whatever i think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me

if later some parts of how i looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, i can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which i discarded

i can see, hear, feel, think, say and do
i have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me
i own me, and therefore i can engineer me

i am me
i am okay!

author unknown

there seems to lie in all of us to one degree or another a reticence of sorts, a reluctance to own – or own up to – our very personal accomplishments --- what’s that all about? – when did the child’s naiveté and ingenuousness wither and die – where did the glow of the ember of self-pride go when it evaporated???
i was told that as a very little girl, i had a terrible time making friends with the potty, and when finally i produced a golden egg i would run, crowing my face off, to let everyone know - moreover to lead the parade to “show and tell” of my great intrepid accomplishment – when i was about six i was overcome by the feeling of a deed well done when (i mistakenly thought) i had dyed a pair of navy and white saddle shoes navy and red with the inspired application of cordovan polish to the white of the shoe – a very proud moment for me!!! --- i was dead wrong, but too young to know it, and so thought i was deserving of great kudos as opposed to the reaction that i ultimately had to endure ---
now i do things which are legitimately great, but i’m usually too awkward and bashful to accept a direct compliment graciously without belittling myself in the process – SAD!!!
so ……….... now comes the ideal chance to sing my own praises – damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead!!!
i am a good friend, a good listener, extremely loyal, and always go the extra mile if it’s within my power to do so – i do not break a confidence unless i deem it is the very best and most appropriate thing to do on a friend’s behalf --- i have many many acquaintances, but a very short list of real friends – there is a tremendous difference between the two in my mind!!! --- i am trying hard to learn the art, science and spirit of becoming my own best friend; however, the road seems a little tricky as i go, full of pitfalls and stumbling blocks – hard to find my way back to that place and time of being that precious little nontoxic me – i ought to have left behind a few breadcrumbs!

i have unrealized wishes, hopes and dreams, and in the process of becoming my own best friend i am making a HUGE! effort to be ever so good to myself by actually realizing some of the things that are on my personal “bucket list” ---
as a loving partner i have always gone above and beyond, doing innumerable little extras for my hero, always respecting him and never lying to him --- i’ve recognized his little quirks and allowed for them in our lives, just as my hero has tolerated my own oddities --- i’m responsible, dependable, punctual, and more laid back about things than thirty or forty years ago, to be sure – my spontaneity and sense of humour are things about me to be appreciated – and i’m a good cook!!! --- in the summer, i have beautiful flower gardens and a killer tan!

i feel the shyness beginning to swaddle me like an opaque mantle, so before i am altogether gone like the cheshire cat i shall just add that i have a facility and a style all my own with
words ---


Tammy said...

I loved that! I need to copy that for my girl's. I enjoyed reading how you live authentically. You go Gal!

anno said...

Danni, I love the idea of leaving breadcrumbs back to our more innocent selves. Anything to make it easier, eh?

Realizing ourselves -- and all our dreams -- is such a huge process, and some part of it is learning to recognize who we are, what we like, and what good we care to develop. One reason it's maybe not such a bad idea to step back and brag once in a while...

alister said...

Oooh, I don’t remember the nontoxic me, either… And I didn’t think of leaving breadcrumbs, either… It’s like now when I tell myself, “Surely this moment is so momentous I’ll remember it.” Nope. What I do remember is some of the weirdest stuff and I’ve forgotten what I feel might have been most useful to remember. So I had to start trying to like the me that’s me now…LOL! Bah! The important thing is absolutely yes! you have a unique and wonderful facility and style with words…fresh, intelligent…firecrackers they are! I so enjoy reading what comes out of your head and again, I’m so glad you’re back doin’ the SS thang! :-D

Devil Mood said...

I was just commenting on another blog how bragging is a part of our identity construction as children. We need to test the idea of being great next to other people and, of course, earn their affection. And when we grow older we rarely brag, it's not acceptable anymore. Strange!

I love the conjunction of the poem with Charlie Brown, they go so great together.

B. Roan said...

I especially love the bragging after "making friends with the potty". We have been going through that with the grands. We all have to make a big deal over their successes. Very enjoyable read. BJ

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Yes, my friend, you certainly DO have a way with words.

I love the shoe polish story, by the way. I think if my kids did that, I'd be unable to do anything more than cover my face with my hands, groan, and say, "Okay, you're wearing them that way!"

Giggles said...

If you had been my child and polished your shoes I would have spotted immediately the artist within! Sadly the deconstruction of us, begins way back when! Yes to get where I am now I went back to the little eight year old me! Deepak the question to ask yourself daily is" What do I want and what do I need?" So that's what I do! Everyone has a unique answer! Great post...comical in spots and very sage!

Hugs Giggles

nonizamboni said...

So much to be proud of! I appreciated the tender looks back and the concrete knowing you have of yourself at this point in your life. So well written and full of things I could identify with wholeheartedly. Someone I'd love to meet!
Thanks for sharing!

Rob Kistner said...

"I own everything about me – my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,"

If we all just were willing to own our 'stuff' this world would improve dramatically. ;)

So many blame everything on everybody else... people are becoming less and less responsible. So sad. :-(

Gamol Gabere said...

An interesting think piece and well written. I think that when I was a child I had no inhibitions. I lived more in the moment. Two blocks nailed together became a truck a stick became a gun, sword, a wand. You can't go back but you can live in the moment. Find joy in the now because it's the only working unit of your life.
Isn't Charlie Brown a neurotic child? I think the poem is best represented by Popeye...I ams what I ams and that's all that I ams.
Ghop Wood Carry Water

Tanya Gwen Minnick said...

I love that you found it in you to do this post! love you!
you've also won an award
go here to get it