07 February 2009

sunday scribblings --- #149 - art

renaissance widow

there is a force that is drawing me out and encouraging me to keep it real - an ideal prompt helping me to once more be open and honest and a great segue between last week and this ---

i usually rely heavily on my words – however, when i saw the topic of the week at sunday scribblings i felt emboldened to post some body art for all to see, and fall back on my words simply for explanation and background rather than the essay being the pivotal point of my post

i arrived at a place in my grief this past summer which caused a major and total meltdown and culminated with a psychiatric admission --- it heaped trauma upon trauma for me - i am one of those people who subscribe to the theory that it will always happen to someone else, but surely not me!!! --- anyway, i became the someone else – it was surreal and i hardly recognized myself!!!

with nothing but professionals and time on my hands i became acutely aware that i desperately needed to focus on myself and figure out how i was going to survive this indescribable anguish and sorrow which refused to give a respite --- lopsided trial and error finally prevailed with a half baked idea that i would work on reinventing myself --- as the ideas began to come into the light i put them on my own bucket list and went from there ---

my hair would be longer(still a work in progress) and i’d get that tattoo that i’d secretly wanted for the longest time – these were at the top of the list

i decided to do a whole sleeve on my right arm as a memorial to my hero --- between october and the middle of december while my hair began to get longer, i worked at my body art and i’m very proud to display it here as a done deal ---

my friend volunteered to draw it out for me so that it fit my arm properly and incorporated as many elements of my idea as possible --- my tattoo artist tried to grant my every wish patiently - and i am really proud of the finished product - and pleased as well that i had the forbearance to withstand the people who told me that it was a silly thing to do at my age, yatta-yatta, and otherwise tried to discourage me!!!

my sleeve is comprised of all my hero’s favourite flowers from our yard – summer was his favourite time of the year ---

he most preferred sunflowers, and so i began with that – the yin and yang in its middle represents the beautiful balance we had in our marriage

he was keen on morning glories, too – so they are weaving their vine down and through from my shoulder to my wrist --- the calico cat is named girly-girl, and she’s there also – a butterfly, ecchinacea, a lady bug, daisy, purple delphinium and orange impatiens to name just a few, find their way down my arm --- he was a big peanuts fan, so charlie brown, woodstock, and snoopy are at the base of the florals --- finishing it off is his signature scanned in from an inscription in one of the stephen king books that were always special gifts, and always inscribed with a message of love and that special signature ---

and so began this complex journey into widowhood and loneliness, and i feel some pride of accomplishment to have gotten my body art – one by one i’ll add to my bucket list and one by one i will achieve the things on it --- and i will continue to be the renaissance widow for the balance of my years!!!


Michelle said...

I love it! What a beautiful artistic tribute to your hero. I have a tattoo (gasp) but it's not nearly as lovely or meaningful as this. In fact, I'm tempted to have it removed, whereas I'm sure your's will bring you happiness for years to come.

I also think it's pretty dang cool and hip (is that still a cool word?) to do something like this at this point in your life. You have inspired me to consider things to put on my own bucket list.

Tanya Gwen Minnick said...

How brave of you! Your body art is beautiful.

anthonynorth said...

You've grasped the positive, which is always the preferred road. And your body art puts my little shark tattoo to shame.

floreta said...

that is a beautiful remembrance.. and i do remember your previous post about him so i am touched! i did notice the snoopy at the bottom before your explanation. :) good for you for following your heart!

myrtle beached whale said...

I am not a fan of tattoos but if it makes you happy, that is all that matters.

Fledgling Poet said...

What a touching visual history of the time and memories you had with your husband...and when I say 'touching', I mean it literally. Those memories are physically on your skin, accessible to you at all times...what a wonderful tribute to this man you loved. Thank you for sharing your beautiful body art.

bunnygirl said...

Good on you for finding ways to turn your grief from something personal and debilitating into something manageable and even desirable. Symbols are important, and I think one of the reasons many of us feel unmoored by modern life is that we've thrown away symbols or made them empty and meaningless.

I'm glad you found a way to symbolize so many things that are important to you.

GreenishLady said...

Dear Danni, I know I've read some of your Sunday Scribblings posts in the past, but I don't think I had any sense of the grief-journey you've been on. I am awed at how you allowed yourself to follow your own heart's knowing in honouring your beloved. This is the art that goes beyond all others. So beautiful, and ... I can't find words for how deeply this has moved me, in fact. Bless you.

Patois said...

I am floored, Danni, at the depth of your talent and yearning to bring it all out. Wow! So damn impressive.

Tumblewords: said...

Beautifully done...a lovely tribute.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Very brave, Very beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Your body art is intricate, bold, brave, and a triumph it seems from what you relate. Your friends came through for you and together that is definitely a sight to behold!

I hope you're in a better place now. As one who has survived "trauma after trauma", I send hugs. (((Sunflower Seeds)))


Tammy said...

That is wonderful Danni! I'm a big fan of yours and I hope your list keeps growing.

I got my first tat this year. A heart of a warrior with a cross in the heart. It has a sword behind heart, with Dave's name at the top. (lower back)

You go girl!

alister said...

Well, would you look at you! I didn’t think I’d make it here this week. Sure am glad I did. You’re undergoing quite the transformation, to include some of the finest tattoo work I’ve seen. And now we find out just about everyone here’s got ‘em, to include me. The biggest deal is how good you sound. Really, really good : )